Autumn and Finny's mothers are best friends, almost like sisters. Autumn and Finny were best friends, too, in their childhood, but as they go into middle school, they drift apart. At school, they have separate friend groups, and they barely speak to each other, but at home, they are neighbours, and their families often have dinner together, which means they have to interact with each other. From being inseparable, how did they go to this? Why are they expected to be enemies? Now, in high school, Autumn ultimately realises that she is in love with Finny, but will it be too late for them?
The book starts with the accident, and for the rest of the story, everything leads up to it. The concept is perfect; it's a slow burn, doomed from the start. Throughout the book, we are in Autumn's head, and while reading, I found myself urging her: come on, admit you're in love with him. Why don't you just talk to each other? Don't you know you don't have much time left together? I loved the suspense, but at times, I also felt exasperated and impatient: even though the story is supposed to build up slowly, I felt like it took much longer than it should have. Maybe that isn't entirely a bad thing; my need to know what would happen next kept me turning page after page, and isn't that exactly what an author wants from a reader?
As far as characters go, the author made Finny impossible to dislike. I often found myself irritated with Autumn, which I wish wasn't the case, because I so badly wanted to like her. While it is evident that Autumn has a troubled family and a lot of struggles in her life, she has a damsel-in-distress complex and a lack of will to do anything, which initially got on my nerves. She proclaims herself quirky, and although I am all for non-conformity, it feels like she is trying too hard. Though it took me some time to figure it out, I realised that her bravado is an attempt to hide how lost and empty she feels inside. After that, I could tolerate her much more, and even felt guilty for judging her harshly to begin with. All these layers ultimately make Autumn a much more human character than Finny, even if she is less likeable.
Autumn's entire friend group felt wrong. Their friendship didn't have a strong basis, and all their relationships felt artificial and shallow. It was almost like they were united solely by a common hate for Autumn's previous friend group, and petty wars against that group. At first, I thought it was not the best writing, but I was proven wrong: the dynamic of the group serves its own purpose later on. Everything makes more sense towards the end, but the readers have to think to put things together.
The thing I could relate to the most in the book was Autumn's desire to be an author. More specifically, her experiences with people when she told them what she wished to do in the future. They would tell her about others who also wanted to be authors but landed up doing something else entirely. They tended to be condescending and expected by default that she would fail. The reason this affected me was because as an aspiring author, I have experienced this firsthand. There were people who believed in her, too, the right people, and I have lived that reality as well. If readers were to take a message from that, I think it would be to watch who they share their dreams with, although this is not at all central to the plot of the book.
If there was one thing I wish could have been improved about this book, it is the pacing and description of some events. Earlier, I said that I wished the story would move a bit faster, but ironically, I felt like other parts were rushed through with not enough description to feel convincing. I cannot give specific examples for fear of divulging the plot.
Overall, even though there were some moments when things went right for Autumn, the book felt gloomy and bleak throughout, with no hope whatsoever. While I appreciate that sad things have their own beauty, this book depressed me a little too much for my liking. That being said, it was a good read, and while I did not think Autumn's writing was great, the same cannot be said for Laura Nowlin. I will definitely be back for the sequel, 'If Only I Had Told Her', sooner or later.